This sermon was preached at All Saints Church, Oakham on Sunday 5th May 2024.
Readings: 1 John 5:1-6; John 15:9-17
I am glad to finally announce that wedding season has arrived for 2024. Yesterday I was taking a wedding here in church. A lovely young couple in Oakham, Chris and Rebecca. It’s always a joy to take a wedding, and it’s a privilege to bring couples through to this moment of their wedding day. The couple yesterday did very well and held their composure. There was a little bit of nerves when it came to the vows but that is understandable. These are big words – powerful things to say to another person:
to have and to hold
from this day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
till death us do part;
according to God’s holy law.
These are beautiful words and have been used for hundreds of years in close enough to this form. These speak so deeply about what love is.
Last week we were looking at the start of John 15 where Jesus teaches his disciples about abiding in God. And our reading today carries on with this same theme. But now we are looking at how God calls us also to abide in his love. God calls us to him to be with him in his love, to come and spend time with love himself, Jesus Christ. Abiding in his love.
I think so much of the marriage vows are about abiding in love. The vows to love and hold the other person, no matter what may come. It’s a vow to abide in love with one another at all times. The Bible talks about how marriage shows the love between Jesus and us. The Church, you and me, are the bride of Jesus. He is our bridegroom, as the imagery goes. If you are going to a wedding this year, or maybe you can think back to another wedding you’ve been to recently, or even your own wedding perhaps, you can see how marriage reminds us about the love Jesus has for his Church. It’s a love that calls us to abide. To abide in love.
to have and to hold
from this day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
till death us do part;
according to God’s holy law.
These words are very moving, however, previous forms have raised some debate in this modern era. In the old Anglican prayerbook, when the bride came to make these vows, in addition to promising to love and to cherish her husband, she would also promise to obey him. ‘To love, cherish and to obey.’ This might have been the case for some of you when you married.
Did any of you flinch a bit or shuffle in your pew when I said the word ‘obey’? It can be a tricky word. When I was speaking to the 8am congregation after this morning’s service, they were telling me about how they were saying: ‘We’re not going to say obey,’ and ‘it’s worked out for us so far.’ It’s a contentious word. A lot of couples have wrestled with it over the years. The word ‘obey’ carries with it so many overtones of control and oppression. In marriage, it can suggest a power imbalance. There are also many stories on the news of people who abuse their position and power at the great expense of others, forcing them to submit and obey their will. I want to be clear here that any such abuse and exploitation is sinful. It is not loving and not in keeping with the way of Jesus.
However, for all the problems we might have with the word ‘obey’, we read in the first letter of John that: ‘For the love of God is this, that we obey his commandments.’[1] Hold on, did the Bible just equate love to obeying? How can this be? Does this mean that to love my husband, or to love my wife I have to obey them? Does this mean that to love my parents I have to obey them? Some of you might be quite happy with this, others might be horrified. Why? Because we might not always trust that what the other person asks of us is the best thing for us. It’s easy to understand how obeying can be tricky when the other person might get things wrong.
However, it’s a different matter when it comes to Jesus. Jesus is God. He is perfect and he is always good. So, if Jesus asks us to do something, then we can trust that it is good and that it will be the best thing for us. ‘His commandments are not burdensome.’[2] Look at the commandment that Jesus gives us in our reading: ‘This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.’[3] This is a good commandment, to love one another. It’s primary command that Jesus gives to us, to love others.
It’s easy to obey this. But we remember there are times when Jesus asks us to do other things that are hard to obey. Like when Jesus tells us to share the good news about him and how he is our risen Lord and Saviour. That can be a hard command to obey when we get to work or school and don’t want to talk to our friends and colleagues about Jesus. They might think we are one of those weird Christians. I hate to break it to you, but you are. But it’s true, that for many of us, it is hard to obey this command. This is not the time that we want to hear Jesus say to us, ‘If you love me, you will obey my commandments.’ If a loved one said this to us, you might think, hold on, this sounds a bit manipulative. But this is Jesus who is always good, so obviously, this is not the case. So what’s going on here?
Coming back to image of marriage. We might throw our arms about saying ‘obey’, but I would argue that it can be a good thing to say. But I would prefer it if both the bride and groom say obey. Cecily and I spoke about this before our wedding. We ended up not saying ‘obey,’ but we came to the agreement that if we did say ‘obey’ we would both say it. But whether we say it or not, the call of marriage is still the same. To submit to the other and give your life for the other.
Anyone who has been married knows that a big part of marriage is about putting the needs of the other person first, even if you don’t want to. You listen and obey what they say because you love them and want to give your life to them. You stay up late when your wife asks you to wash the dishes because she has an early start at work, and though you are tired and don’t really want to, you do it because you love her. You obey her because you love her. Or think of a child obeying their parent. My dad always told me to take out the bins, and because I love him, I listened to him and took out the bins. I still take out the bins now that I am married.
Cecily is really big on tucking in the car windows when we park the big car. I don’t really care about doing it and think it’s just a bit of faff. But she asks me to do it, and so, I do it, even when she is not with me in the car. Not because I felt the need to do it, but because I love her, I listen to her and I am obedient to her. I show my love for Cecily by doing the things she asks. And this is the same with Jesus. We show our love for him by doing what he says. We obey his commands.
Jesus says there is no greater love than to lay down your life for others. This love is not limited to death but is present in life too. We lay our lives down for others as we submit to them. As we obey them; as we put their needs and desires above our own. In this, we love them with the same submission for others that Jesus did as he gave his life for others on the cross. Jesus didn’t want to die, but he listened to what his Father asked him because Jesus loved the Father, and he loved you and me. In this, Jesus shows us how obedience, in the right way, is a form of love.
Jesus says, ‘If you love me, you will obey my commandments.’ Jesus calls us to love others, and in doing so, we abide in God’s love. To abide with the God of love we live in love for others. How is Jesus calling you to love others? What are the ways in which we can obey Jesus through loving others?
It’s not always easy to obey Jesus, and it’s not always easy to love others. But when we obey Jesus in loving others, we find ourselves caught up more in his love and abide in his love.
Amen
[1] 1 John 5:3 [NRSV].
[2] 1 John 5:3 [NRSV].
[3] John 15:12 [NRSV].
Shakeel Nurmahi 